Inside I’m 23

Its 1:21am and I’m sitting alone in front of the PC, mellowing down a bit. I just had one of the best evenings in a looong time. A really good friend of ours came over and we just had a great time chatting, nicking a few beers and stuff, talking about the now, and the old times together and even of the childhood days where we did not know each other. Just sharing our little stories with each other and laughing our asses off at how embarrassing it was in retrospect.
I’m a bit tipsy so I better excuse now for anything I might write. Not only do I then sometimes loose all sense of sentence structure, I actually forget words. I try to imagine that my mind just works faster than my fingers;-) I should add I’m the talkative type. Cautious in new situations, but once I feel secure, I talk, I rattle, total girl in that way. Problem is, I hang with guys. Always have, mostly… And as there are absolutely no girls available of my two girl friends. You’re stuck with me. Its OK if you don’t wanna read this, I’m just in a chatty mood. Last chance, exit now!
This could be a long one, I’m still giddy and have an almost full bottle of beer left. Beck’s green Lemon by the way. If you can get, try it. The perfect summer drink ever. Beer, the non-bitter type mixed with lemon, ice cold. Water dripping down the outside of the bottle on a still warm summer night. Flash of the old Coca-cola Light (diet coke in the states) guy. Boy, did I looove that commercial. Fu*#ing hot. Oups, I better excuse any use of strong language now and for the near future. I wasn’t kidding when I said I had the mouth of a trooper. I try to hide it most of the time, but not tonight. So last warning, I don’t know how much longer I can restrain the little devil on the inside. Feel free to exit now.
Now where was I before my mind drifted off. quick reread Ahhh, my day. I got up in the morning to a still cool summer night, it had rained during the night, and helped Damien get ready for kindergarten. Chris had to be at work by 7:45am, so they have to leave by 7 on their bicycles. As soon as I waved good bye and watched them ride our driveway, I turned 180 degrees and fell back in bed. Heaven, pure bliss. I have been pulling back to back late shifts, working through the weekends. And today I pretty much didn’t have that much to do at work. So with plenty of overtime on my back, and with no meetings today, I slept. I haven’t had more than 6h of sleep since,…I can’t even remember, damn. Well often its just been around 4h. So right now I am wiiiiiide awake. Chris is already in bed. He was almost fast asleep on the couch by 12:30. To be fair he is on the early shift, poor guy. I do feel sorry for him putting up with me. Sometimes. ;-) One the other hand he is just type that goes to a party, has fun and leaves early. I was always with the last bunch. Occasionally kicked out.
I sooo deserved this. So I slept till 11am. By now the sun was out, I was in a good mood. I love summer. Ever since I was in New Orleans a semester, I feel good in summer. I decided on an over the knee comfy pair of thin black cargo shorts, paired with one of my favorite black Ts, and my ever present pair of converse. I am so not the dress-up type. Never was. I can clean up nice, no questions asked – my mom is a fun shopoholic, so one or the other thing did stick. So mom, if you are reading this, I love you and not all was lost - but no one said it had to be fun. Luckily I have a job where jeans, Ts, and sneakers are the dress code. That is my world.
With my still wet hair from my late morning shower under a hat keeping me brilliantly cool and donning a ridiculously huge black pair of sunglasses, I walked to work. I only have a 15min brisk walk to work, so I only buy a streetcar ticket in the winter. In converse it is easily tackled. In heels I would die. I only own *don’t throw things at me* o-n-e pair of heels *duck*. However I do have 4 pairs of converse in my daily rotation. In that regard, I am a guy with girl parts.
I have perfected my summer playlist and was walking along the side walk, mouthing and maybe singing parts in a low whisper. I really am a bad singer, but I can’t contain my self sometimes. I was happy. And the best thing about it was I knew it. I fully realized it. I have a crooked mind, and can actually step back and watch me from the outside, analyze, decide and then just am. And today I decide to be happy. And I was out of my mind happy, fuck I still am for that matter. Every thing went so smooth. I was in the door for lunch time. Barely, but it was just so nice outside. I may have skipped a couple of times on my way to work. Mind only on the more secluded parts of my way, not long the main street. Not that kind of crazy here.
So I grabbed my tupper full of freshly cut pineapple. I’m doing pretty good on my diet, feeling a lot better about myself with a couple pounds less on my back. I didn’t even change that much actually. Instead of eating the canteen food on my lunch break, I just take some fruit or yogurt to work and eat that. Of course that require me to a) have fruit in the house, requires shopping *flinch- here was the bad word again*, b) have a clean tupper to put it all in, and c) get my sorry excuse of an ass out of bed in time to actually prepare it. Since Chris has been really supportive about the a) part, never saying anything. Just we now almost always have fruit in the house. That’s the stuff that matters. Right there. God I love this man. Can you believe that right now I am on the verge of tears, Death Cab for Cutie, I will follow you into the dark, playing soflty in the back ground, because I am sooo lucky to be right where I am. At his side. I actually pinch myself sometimes – like a 3 year old to check if I’m not dreaming. And I have the marks to prove it too.
Enough of the schmalz, with a) pretty much down-packed, with not much work required on my part I might add, we come to b). We truly share the housework between us. We both have our strong sides, but it is evened out. Not saying that we actually succeed in doing house work. Often we don’t. But we are pretty much cool with it. Sometimes I loose it when I am in a rush and am looking or better frantically tearing clothes out of the pile in the corner of our bedroom, still in the laundry basket, never making it back into our closet. But other than that I’m pretty much cool. I guess having lived almost 10 years with different roommates during my university years has helped lower my standards. All the girls I know have very organized households and secretly I dream of it, but I never seem to make it happen. Something is always more important. When I pair that with the fact that most guys are slobs, at least the ones I know, some just hide it better than others, I guess I’m the guy with the girl parts again. *chuckle* Sometimes when I panic like that, I haven’t been a total pain in Chris’ sexy ass, he actually lovingly laughs at me when I let my freak out. Have I mentioned just how much I love my guy. mmmhhhhh
Which brings us to the dreaded letter c). Me and my sorry excuse of an ass getting out of bed in time. That is the real problem. Especially in weeks like these past ones with my inner clock totally screwed. But if I look it in the eye, I’m just lazy. I mean I could be up at 3:30 am (which OMG is the time right now. Shit, I gotta speed this up. Gotta get a few zzzs for tomorrow or actually today.) washing, chopping bits of fruit, and putting it into containers. Right? Or I could be online and relaxing. You know who wins that one. So I end up having to get out of bed in time to make my food for work. And I can proudly say as of late I pretty much succeeded. And I have lost 10 pound in the process. 10 down – 20 to go before summer 2010. I have added a few pounds to my pre-Damien weight as my goal weight, but not too much. I always had the same weight since being a teen and never had to do anything about it. I ate shit loads of bad food for years and I basically always weighed the same, plus minus 5-6 pounds. With Damien I gained 80 pounds, and was definitely no longer petite. What can I say I was really hungry during pregnancy, right from the start. Never having morning sickness. And I slowed down, which was probably good for Damien as I am naturally bouncy. 40p came down during the first year after birth. But these last 20 I really have to work for. It sucks having to do that. Why can’t my body be 20 again? I can see the 40 waving at me with a smirk on her face, saying because you aren’t. So instead I try a bit harder.
I had a new pair of jogging shoes in a box screaming at me for years, and a new months ago every now I got em out and since then I go jogging in a nearby woods. And I love it. As a teen I was on a track team, I was a middle distance runner. Not top notch, but not bad. As a teen equipped with a walkman, I loved to get away from it all for a bit. And while jogging I could do just that. And as I have come realize, I still can. Not only the me time makes jogging so perfect to me, but actually having done sports is a great side effect.
Today I picked up Damien from kindergarten and we chatted on the way home. He makes up the funniest stories. He is in the why? stage of his life and questions everything. Given the information, he makes his own little view of the world. He can analyze the color of a passing ambulance at great length, sharing his train of thoughts concluding, that it must have been in an accident and the car repair company had sold out white paint. Red was taken by the fire dept., green and blue by the police, and orange by the street cleaners, dump trucks. So the ambulance could then only be yellow.  What can I say. That’s my boy. He tickles me to death.
At home Chris took over and had dinner with Damien and got him ready for bed. I am so in love with him. Sorry to repeat myself, but seriously could he get any better? *pinch – no, not dreaming*
I got my jogging clothes on and hit play on my mp3. Again my summer playlist. I went 7km. I walk a lot in between, but those parts are getting shorter. Sometimes I can even push myself far enough to get a bit high. Endorphins are fun little things. And today was one of this days. Back home I had time to search some freebies while cooling off and then headed for a brilliant hot shower. I wrote a bit, working out an idea I had today. Then our good old friend N. came by. I’ve known him since working with him at a movie theater as students. Btw, that is where I first laid eyes on Chris too. No, no love in first sight story. Better. Anyway Chris has know him since in his teens. He is just one of those easy going laid back kind of guys. Liked him from the start. And did we laugh our asses off today. How I wish that were truly possible….
So looking back at this day I can only say it was perfect. Brighter than sunshine. Blissfully happy. God, that feels fucking good.
So choose happy.
Wishing you a fun weekend.