Turn-keys: Christmas Edition

The christmas key {find it here}, who knew? Cool huh?

So, it's still Christmas.  Which means we are still celebrating, but we are still also working on sidestepping triggers and trying to craft a happy successful holiday.  Today many of my kids head back to school (just over half of them) and I'm reviewing our holiday break.
So I think it's time for an updated turn key post - holiday style.
For another link in a similar vein, go here, to the always wonderful and insightful Thankful Mom.  She inspires me always, and is a good online buddy.  I know we'd chat for days over coffee if only we lived closer!

Anyhow, so this Christmas we had a much better holiday than last year.  Which kind of blows my mind.  Because last  year was so very hard.  It was full of drama and trauma drama triggers and grief and rage and crying and all such things.  We should have expected it, I suppose.  But somehow, even as you are treading water in the new deep end of parenting with kids who have special needs and hard backgrounds...you (or I did) think that the  "magic of Christmas" will carry you through.  Um, not so much.  Instead, what happens is your discombobulated, hypervigilant, disregulated child(ren) only become more so.

All that is to say, this year, we went searching and thinking in advance for some keys to avoid some of those pitfalls.  We are getting slowly smarter, in that we don't expect hopes and wishes to carry us over bumpy ground.  This year we opened up our toolboxes and tried to think in advance.  We lowered our expectations and prayed like mad.  And guess what? We have had a much more successful Christmas holiday! I'm not saying it was perfect, because I'm not crazy or stupid.  But I'm saying, it was better.  I'm saying that we even had some real progress, for which I am terribly grateful.  We all are.  I'm saying, Christmas was full of some subtle but very big gifts.

There were a few keys, turn-keys if you will, to the progress.
One of the keys is a given, it is time.  Simply put, she has been home now 17 months and she has one Christmas under her belt.  It was not all new.  That is huge.  For a hypervigilant kid, to know precisely what is going to happen, when and how is absolutely critical.  It pains me to think how hard last year was for her, knowing her intense need for routine and fear of change.  This year, however, we had something to build on, and that allowed her to relax somewhat and even enjoy bits of the holiday that repeated from last year.  This year she had ornaments that were repeats from last year, and it tickled her to put each of them on the tree....just like the other kids.

Another holiday key was again the scheduling in advance.  We laid out the schedule in advance, the days were clearly marked and spelled out, so she knew exactly what to expect and when.  We had to go over it again and again, but that is standard and so we did.  It helped.  And we piggybacked it on the key of time, reminding her that we did it this way, the same, last year.

We did a lot of direct assignment of tasks.  Giving her tasks that contributed and helped her feel both part of the preparation and also productive.  Sitting around bored is a killer.  Tasks are good, if well considered.

We did a lot of checking in.  Checking in with her as the day(s) went on, with a word of encouragement or praise and a quick hug and smile with connected eyes.  Such simple things, so easy to forget and so critical to the ongoing mood regulation.

Perhaps the biggest best key this year was Christmas specific: gifts.  She got to give every one in the family a gift.  Sounds like an "of course, doh" kind of thing, right?
Not at all.
Stupidly, last year we were all just so overwhelmed by all the changes that we kind of gave a pass to the kids on giving gifts to each other, individually.
I mean, when you have eight kids, that adds up to a huge logistical nightmare of trekking to stores and buying and wrapping and sorting and oh my goodness I start to swoon just typing about it.......
In fact, this year I advocated with my husband for the large-family classic mode of drawing a name between the sibs, one name/one present.  He wisely enough thought about it and said, "No, I think they should all give gifts to each other."  At which point I promptly got a massive migraine.  Then he (again, wisely...he may be many things, but he's not stupid) said, "And I'll take them, I'll be in charge of it."  At which point I promptly gave him a big smooch.
Anyhow, being able to go and pick out a small gift for each member of the family...wrap it, put it under the tree, and then watch it being opened...was just a hugely important thing to her.  No surprise I suppose, it is the joy of giving.  And it enabled her to really participate in Christmas, for the first time in a way that she understood.

So this year, Marta got to get presents but also give them.  And that, perhaps, was the greatest turn-key under our tree this year.  It was the one all fancy, above, that helped us all have a much more relaxed and happy Christmas.  It was a tool and a key, yes, but even more so, it was a gift to us all - literally and figuratively.  It was a key to healing, which is the greatest gift, once again, that any of us can be given.
Attachment only comes, truly, with time and healing and I will gather any and every key I can find to unlock it and bring it closer.  Those keys, they are gifts of gold to me.  They are gifts of family.

Holy Family!

Michelangelo, "The Holy Family"

It's the Feast of the Holy Family!

What perfect timing, of course!

I love this feast, its a reminder to me that even Christ got to, had to, live in a family.  

Think about that one.....

Now his family was all holy and everything, true...but even so, it's a great example.  Heck, we have sports stars that we look up to and try to be as good as they are (for the most part, at least when we are talking about their skills of endurance and perseverance and practice, right?).  So, that's one of the great things about the saints and feast days, they are like the posters kids put up in bedrooms...heroes to emulate, gaze at and wonder and dream.  

So today I have put up the gorgeous  painting by Michelangelo, I got to see it in person this summer at the Uffizi Gallery in Florence.  Just wow!  This is the heroic icon of family.  The holy family, I could just look at it all day long.  

But the really cool part about all of this, is that WE are called to be like them.  Really.  We are called to be, in our own little (or big) families, the domestic church.  Which is just the coolest thing to me.  We are supposed to model that love that faithfulness that care and keeping of each other...because that's what families do.  It can take different forms for the different needs and concerns of each family, of course.  But the basics remain.  We care for each other to our best ability, because we are family.  Just like the Holy Family did.  If we shoot for that, we are on the right track.  Which is helpful to remember as I correct my fast growing (in size and temper) son and he stomps up the stairs and shouts that I am "despicable."  {Yes, he's got a heck of a temper, but his vocabulary is impressive!}

So as we/I all recover from the excess and crazies of Christmas day {and hand out 'write-offs' to the kids who are having fall apart syndrome from too much muchness yesterday}, and review in our mind the sweetnesses of this holiday {sleeping toddlers breathing against your neck at midnight Mass} and the irritants {maybe even Jesus had an annoying distant uncle made Mary roll her eyes at the dinner table}....I need to keep this in mind:

Family. 

It's not just something we endure or that imposes chores....

it's what our deepest hearts long for.  

Because it's holy.

From Evening Prayer for this day:

Father, help us to live as the holy family,

united in respect and love.  

Bring us to the joy and peace of your eternal home.

Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,

who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, 

one God, forever and ever. 

Amen.

Merry Christmas Birthday Girl!!

Merry Christmas to all, but most especially to my best present ever: 

My Sarahbird!!

It's her birthday once again, she is twelve now!

And I think we are finally coming to terms with the jiving up of the Christmas fun and the birthday fun.
We've tried many many things over the years, variations and tweaks.  But what works best is what has become solid tradition: Christmas in the morning, Bday after noon.  And before you get all "aw, gee" about it all, lets look at this clearly:
My Sweet Sarah has the biggest birthday of the year.
It has a month of buildup leading up to it.
The entire world celebrates alongside her; because she has the best most awesome birthday companion possible: Christ himself!
Christmas babies are inherently special, they just are. 
She gets the best breakfast, homemade cinnamon rolls, every year.
She will never have school or work on her birthday.
And she gets the yum of the fancypoo Christmas dinner on the eve of her bday and then gets her pick of dinner and desert for Christmas day.  Even if she chooses hot dogs (and she has)!

 So, we think having a Christmas birthday is pretty special; just like her.
Because my sweet Sarah bird is twelve.
She was my tiniest baby, hands down, the tiniest baby I had ever held.
 I might have told you that before, I still can't get over it!

She is still petite and always will be.
That frustrates her sometimes, but it suits her perfectly.
Except perhaps when she is guarding in basketball.
Which is probably why she does such a fierce trash talking job of it!

She is a girly girl and probably always will be.
She loves ruffles and sparkles and bling...
and dolls and ponies and kittens...
but not wild jumping dachshund puppies.

She loves to be social and is making many friends at her school.
But  her best friend for ever and ever will always be her sister Em.
They shared a basket, they shared bottles (I know, gross, but try it w/ virtual twins, try keeping them always separate, I double dog dare you), they shared clothes, toys, snacks, baths, beds, and still share a room.
They are just each others best buddy.
Except when they aren't, because they are preteen girls and that explains it all!

Sarah is creative and loves to draw and craft and cut and design.
Which usually makes quite a mess.
Which makes her mom crazy.
Because Sarah is not and  may never be, a natural cleaner or tidier.
Though she can do a great job when motivated.

Storms and spiders scare her.
As do large dogs, and jumpy puppies.
She loves sugary foods beyond anything else to eat.
And has a knack for figuring out how to score them.

Sarah can be prickly, and moody.
But deep down, she is a sweet not so little (12 now!) girl who just wants to be liked, fit in, and have fun. 
Just like most twelve  year old girls.
Especially the have fun, preferably a party, part. 

So today we will hang the streamers and cut the cake.
We will open (more!) presents and we will sing the birthday song loudly.

And we will hug this special girl tight and tell her:

"Happy Happy Birthday Sweet SarahBird!"

"We love you so much!"

 "We hope all your bday wishes come true!"

 

Merry Eve of Christmas for a Mom!

Well, we still have much of this holiday to come...
but this Christmas eve, this mom/me just got what might be my best Christmas present, below:

That note?  It is a huge giant step forward for my daughter, my newest one from hard places.
Seems like a typical kid love note.
Nope.
Tomorrow might be hard again.  I hope not.
But even so, I'm marking this.
Because this is big and tonight she was happy enough to write this and hand it to me with a huge grin, ducking her head as she came to hug and kiss me.
It might as well be gold.

It's good.
It's progress.
Which is, of course, the best present of all to us both.
Brought, of course, by a "little" child.....and I've been given the eyes to see and this is Christmas Joy.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Pondering the season: Music

I have much pondering in my  heart this season.
But now and again, I hear this song on the radio and it pulls me from the core.
This song is Christmas and Advent for me; especially when it is played on our piano in the living room by my eldest, Chris.

Music is so evocative, especially in this rich season.
This one brings back memories of the Snoopy Christmas Special as a kid {yes, I did just date myself again, and yes we did wait ALL YEAR to see those specials}.
But it also conjures up many memories of my family here in our home over these years.
Now I know what Christmas songs my kids, especially Little Man, like (because he sings it loud and often...and lets just say, I'll let you guess which one is top o' the charts: involving jingles and a fat man smelling).
What Christmas songs are "IT" for you?

Tis the season....enjoy the beat!

It's the middle of Hanukkah, of course.

And it's a beautiful season in and of itself - the traditional festival of the miracle of candle oil by our big brothers in matters of religion, the Jewish Faith. {By this I mean that of course our Catholic faith is derived out of the Jewish faith, they are truly our big brothers and so many of our rituals and customs have origins in theirs. This is why so many of those traditions call to us, to me, and pull at us deeply.  They call to our selves.}

Anyhow, this is a fun video, you might have seen it already but it's perfect for Hanukkah.  It's about the Maccabee's of course, one of the great stories in the bible and this is a fun reminder of the richness of the season.



Enjoy! Happy Hanukkah!

{h/t to Julie of Happy Catholic!}

Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God

Happy New Year!

And Happy Feast of Mary, Mother of God.

Sounds simple, a no brainer right?
Doh....Mary gave birth to Jesus.  Yup. We're n the midst of the whole Christmas season, surrounded by nativity scenes, Mary pregnant on the donkey, Baby Jesus in the manger....that's the quintessential "mom" scene.
This IS one of the uber Catholic solemnities....one of the ones that cause some division.  But in my humble opinion, that division is not justified; it's a tempest in a teapot (to use momspeak).  So, why the big deal..."Mary, Mother of God?"

Well that term took some theological argument discussion.  Ages ago, literally.  Way, way, before the "Big split (into the whole Protestant/Catholic deal)." Even way before any real divide between Eastern and Western Christianity.   Because it speaks to Jesus and his Divinity and while it seems obvious, it wasn't so much...and you know, folks like things really pinned down officially and academically.  Hence, long ago - 431 AD - they even held a council of the bishops of the world, those who had received the faith, entrusted to them, on down in succession from the Apostles, to officially pin this all down.  Because someone was teaching that Jesus wasn't divine from the moment of his conception or even birth, but taught that he was elevated to divinity later.   Was Jesus divine from the moment of his conception, or was he born only human?  Did Mary give birth to a human person or a divine person?  Was Mary, or was she not, in that sense, "Mother of God?"  Can we even speak those words?  Well, God chose and prepared her for Himself, from all the women of all time, to be the bearer of His Son.  And while the first person of the Trinity, God the Father is the sole source of Jesus' divinity, from "in the beginning", and Mary the sole source of his humanity, by the power of the Holy Spirit these two natures are inseparably, indivisibly, united in the one person Jesus Christ from the moment of His conception -- thus declared the great council of Ephesus.  And as God's Son is Divine and not only human, well, then Mary properly IS to be called the Mother of God.

The precise title “Mother of God” goes back even further, at least to the third or fourth century. In the Greek form Theotokos (God-bearer), it became the touchstone of the Church’s teaching about the Incarnation. The Council of Ephesus in 431 insisted that the holy Fathers were right in calling the holy virgin Theotokos.

Really, it just remains kind of mind blowing to me.  Mary had the choice to say, "Um, nope, not doing this, too hard, too strange...really?  Mother of God?  I don't get it....let me think about it."  But she didn't.  She said "Yes." "Fiat."  And thus the world began to be brought back into the proper order and we were all given the best present ever.

        "Long lay the world, in sin and error pining,
               'til He appeared, and the soul felt it's worth"

So today I am looking at icons.  Because today, on the last day of Christmas, we celebrate the mother, the Theotokos, the "Mother of God."  And really, icons are about the only way to begin to wrap your mind around all this.  Because who can imagine God, really?  You can't. I can't -- not really as He is.  And as soon as you think you are...well,  you've fallen into presumption now, haven't you?  So, icons are perfect for today.  They function as "little windows into heaven."  Icons (Ikonos -- Images, in Greek) are images of the true Ikon, the one who images the Father, the one who shows us the Father, the face of God, that he revealed to the world "in the fullness of time" born of a woman, of a pure and holy virgin.  Whom He loves more deeply, more perfectly than any other son loves his mother, and whom "all generations shall call blessed".

They are not meant to be realistic or have realistic lifelike perspective.  They represent what we cannot fully see with just our own eyes and senses; they image the world beyond the veil, the divine, the eternal.  And so today I want to look at these icons and ponder them.  Ponder what it means for her to be the Mother of God, the Theotokos...what faith and trust it took to say 'fiat', 'be it done unto me according to thy word.'  To contemplate the fullness of it all and take maybe one or two (or the multitude that I need) lessons from it. 

Today ends the Octave of Christmas.  The new year is launched.  It is set in motion with a remembrance of the greatest faith and hope and love.  We step into the new year on the right foot, so to speak.  Today we celebrate mom, Mary.  I like that so much.  And, it's really no coincidence that it's also the World Day of Peace.  Because we mom's, we are all about peace: the seeking, the getting, the craving, the searching, the making of peace.
Peace almost always begins with the mom.

Thus, we need today's World Day of Peace and New Year to coincide with the Solemnity of the Mother of God.  It's a big job, a big day.  We need the the biggest hope and love of the best mother....because she brings us her Son. 

Happy New Year!

Happy Feast day!

Wishing us all a peaceful day and new year to come!

Octave of Christmas, day four: roundup

Merry Christmas to all!

Merry Christmas Birthday Baby Girl!

Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas to my Sbird!!

Eleven years old already!

My best Christmas present, ever!

It is such a special thing to have a Christmas birthday...but I know it doesn't always feel like it is. 
It feels like it can be forgotten in all the wrapping and busy and fun.
But it will never be forgotten.
It wouldn't even feel like Christmas now, without your birthday streamers and princess cake!
You, my sweet bird, are so special to me. To us.  To our family.

You, and your Christmas birthday, makes our Christmas extra special.
You are a remarkable young girl.
You are so strong, and work so hard.
You have a sweet good heart.
You try your hardest, every day.
And even when you get so mad sometimes, you always come back and make up with me.

You have a loving caring spirit.
You love to take care of smaller kids and are so good with babies.
You hate to see anyone or anything get hurt.
You love to sew and to make things.
You have an imagination and creativity as big as the Milky Way.

You are now eleven.
You, my tiniest baby, are growing so big...real double digits.
You have some big adventures, right ahead!
But even so you give me the best "morning squeeze" when we are up early in the kitchen.
And you still love playing dolls with  your sister, for hours at a time. 
I love that about you girls.

We love you so very much, our Sbird.
I think you are wonder-full.
We wish you the happiest of birthdays.
We wish for your birthday wishes to come true.
Even if it means that pineapple farm in Hawaii!

Happy Happy Bday Sbird!

We love you and are so proud of you!

Almost Wordless Wednesday

 

O Tannenbaum, part deux.

Decorating the tree (it turned out more, um, "petite" than expected, but still pretty)

with the traditional hot chocolate by the twinkling lights after.

Ah, tradition.

O tannenbaum!

So, Sunday was the big Christmas tree expedition.  My husband, otherwise known as Coffeedoc, is a bit of a maniac about some things.  So he has decided that it is not properly Christmas without an "over the river and through the woods" sort of experience...to cut the tree.

See that snow? That's because in order to CUT (not buy, he doesn't want them precut in November because he is also a maniac about keeping that tree up until epiphany - or beyond) the tree that I like (Frasier Fir), he has to drive over three hours.  Now, before you go and think I am a completely outrageous diva for demanding this...let me clarify.  I NEVER ASKED him to schlep drive so far for a tree.  I am, always, just happy to have a tree, any tree (though preferably not pine....oops, a diva slippage). 

Anyhow, it is becoming something of a new tradition and I kind of like it.  But then again, I get to stay home and wrap presents and hang out with Miss M and Gabey Baby.  A very lovely relaxing day for us.  And while there IS a certain level of grouchiness as they all set out on the expedition, ahem, it makes for a good snowball fight once they are there.

It was Marta's first time with snow,  and snowballs.  It was cold, fun, exhausting...and they came home with a pretty tree.  So, now, it's beginning to look a lot more like Christmas!

Dark into Light

It's the "shortest"day of the year.  The least amount of daylight, the longest night.

And it's perfect timing I'd say.   No only because today has been metaphorically a darker day - a slamming day filled with tantrums, sulks, and intensive parenting...but because it's when I begin to crave the light when the dark is too long.  We are made for it.  I need it, on so many levels.  From the purely physical level of dismay,"Gosh how can it  be dark already?" to the mildy fussy blue overtone of my mood for the day.  I am craving more light, both inside and out. 

That, that craving, is really what Advent is all about, it's what it's made for.  So too, we are made for the light to come...in a few days.  Christmas is almost here, Advent is waning.  The dark night is long, and these last few days it's nice to have that anticipation built in - even to our world's own nature, and ours.

Yes.  I'm ready for Christmas.  Not ready, yet, for the details of the day....soon, soon.  But for the main event? You betcha.  I'm ready.  Today, the shortest day of the year, we get one big step closer to it.  Each day, a tiny incremental bit brighter, longer.  And then, it's Christmas day and that Light only continues to lengthen and grow.  One of my favorite Christmas, or more accurately, Advent hymns is "O Come Emmanuel," and now, just yesterday, does our Church begin to sing it...in anticipation. 
I can't wait.